literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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