I just cut my nipple shaving
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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