so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
