I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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