I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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