He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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