He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
