Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
