well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
