peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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