Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
