I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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