i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
im holly from the hills drunk
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
