i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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