I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
