I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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