I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
