He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize