Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she told me i tasted like america
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
