I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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