JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
