she was so not down for the gang bang
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
