I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
smell my finger.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
