my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
