; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
