Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
