Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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