god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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