im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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