hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
