spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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