TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
