Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
