okay pat passed out under dana's car
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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