With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
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Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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