Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
