Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
