ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
