You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
