YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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