so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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