Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She needs sedatives and a leash
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
