just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
