there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
