My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
