So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
