she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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