Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
