Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
