if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
