woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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