forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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