He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize