You're a womanizer and a bitch.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
