I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
