I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
