the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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