why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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