My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
