after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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