If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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