I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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