since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
