At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
