Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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