I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
