oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
