Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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