Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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