I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
