He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize