Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
