you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
