i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
