I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
