Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I understand Curling. That high.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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