it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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