I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
