Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
