Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
