I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
