We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize