Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
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the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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