i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
