I have demons in me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We need to feng shui this bitch.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
