one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize